Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha I’m Alexa I’m Cute

Recent reports of users being terrified by their Amazon Alexa-equipped devices laughing like crazy late at night have got, well, some people talking. Not enough, maybe, but some.

Amazon has programmed the devices to laugh when instructed to, but they say they are unsure of why they are laughing spontaneously or after being given unrelated, non-humorous commands.

We have an Echo Dot at work and it can’t do shit, but that’s another story.

I think someday not too far along, we will be able to look back (briefly, between laser blasts) on these early days of Alexa (and Cortana, I guess) and the lame-ass corporate condescension-style programming they use and see the linguistic and emotional precursors to what will surely become our AI-enabled authoritarian hell world. I’m not sure exactly how corporate, technological, military, and banking power will use technological advancement to conspire to control humanity, but I know that when they do they will try to make their AI sound cute.

"Attention redundant citizen: we're sorry, your meal ration payment card has been declined. Please see an alimentary representative for further assistance. (And don't worry, I won't tell your girlfriend you can't afford flowers wink wink.)"

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